AS I walked away from the caf at lunch choosing to skip my 2nd meal in a row after just finding out I have failed at least my second class this semester (no connection to the number of meals skipped) I realized that maybe I'm failing college for a reason.  Now I know that God works all things for good.  I know this because I have seen it not only the lives of others but my own countless times.  I used to be very upset about the possibility of failing out of college because I saw a dimmer future for me.  I was totally focused on myself, and if not myself my currently imaginay immediate family and the life I could or could not provide for them and the struggles my lack of a degree would bring.

Well now I'm thinking maybe those limitations, that lack of a degree, will help to reveal my purpose on earth.  I think I'm here to help people, and I don't know what that looks like yet but I'm thinking it may not be behind the scenes.   Like I don't think it's the type of help where I do the electricity in a homeless shelter so they can have heat and lights-I'm thinking it would be more like serving meals and talking to people.  Because down in Smith Park talking to the people, feeding those people is where I felt most alive- and I agree with John Eldridge When he says the world doesn't need people asking them selves what the world needs, itneeds people who have come alive, so find out what makes you come alive and do that.

All this to say it may be a means to an end-or He may just work something great out of my screw ups...again.  Turns out I still have no clue what's going on or what's going to happen. 

Yu know what?  I don't want to go back to school or do residence life anymore when I get there.  This disturbing new revelation will likely keep me from sleeping for hours.

i WENT BACK AY LOOKED AT MY LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHILE i'M HOME AND RPEDICTIONS SINCE i'M ABOUT HALFWAY DONE WITH THIS 8 MONTH STINT AWAY FROM COLLEGE  SOMETHINGS AREN'T GOING TO HAPPEN, SOME ARE STILL PEN ENDED AND IT WAS INTERESTING TO LOOK AT.  I THINK IT SHOWS HOW MY VIEW IN COLLEGE IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT AND HOW MY VIEW OF THE FUTURE IS A BIT ROSE COLORED.  I MEAN, I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE MORE MONEY AND FREEDOM/TIME THAN I HAVE AND WILL HAVE.

*FRUSTRATION!*

I think once we realize we're not better than anybody, ad nobody is better than us, it will make loving a lot easier.

As I was riding along in the van this weekend I saw dead trees and thought about how of we (or I) didn't know better I wouldnever believe that they would ever be as aliver and gren as they will be in 3 months.  I think people are like that in some ways.

Travel is good for many things.